


Gavin’s all right sometimes

by Blepbean



Series: Weird drabbles 101 [9]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy pride month, M/M, Norrkus said “opposite gender bisexual couples are valid”, pride fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 07:00:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19126972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blepbean/pseuds/Blepbean
Summary: There’s so many colours





	Gavin’s all right sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> Idk.... just... see this is why I’m literally sos slow at doing my updates okay don’t come for me 😔. 
> 
> Kudos, comments and feedback is appreciated

The night grows hotter and more humid, the pleasant wind that brushes by rustles the leaves and messes up his hair is gone, disappearing with the clouds that hide the moon. All that’s left at night if Detroit is the distant traffic and the conversations that’s somehow so loud that even Gavin could hear it. He looks 

 

He prefers this, the lonely night, just him and the city, cigarette in his mouth, the smoke rising up and up into the sky until it disappears into thin air. He dangled his feet through the railings and sits down in the cold floor of his tiny balcony, looking down into the alleyway where it’s dark. He remembers the nights where he would recklessly climb up buildings, high above the ground, feeling the laughter from his other friends at the bottom. Then the adrenaline would trickle away as he finally gets to the top, looking over the top of houses and backyards and looking through the windows. Gavin remembers it all, like it was just yesterday and now it’s just gone, left, slipped away from his fingertips.

 

He even remembers that boy that kissed him.

 

Then it all fall apart as that boy ruined him, with smiles and laughter then turning into cruel jokes.

 

He looks back at the bedroom where Connor is asleep, Gavin thinks he is anyways, maybe just powering down, eyes closed, in the nothingness. He wonders what his Dad would think about him, right no, seeing him in his current state. Would he try to scream at him? Hit him? Give him a black eye. Or maybe worse, judge him, silently, with his eyes or how he would treat him like he doesn’t exist, push him to the side, never talk to him again.

 

He’s just the product of a storm.

 

Just the perfect cliche of a boy with a horrible dad, family issues, then slowly cut away ties from his family and run away into Detroit. Feel his daddy issues slowly creep in with his abandonment issues, alongside his addictions.

 

He’s just the perfect boy with the perfect horrible, sad backstory. By now in his 30’s and nearing his 40’s he should be fine, happy, push all his past to the side and live.

 

But he doesn’t think that’s possible.

 

He hears footsteps behind him, slow, loud enough so Gavin can hear them. He takes one puff from his cigarette until he drops it, letting it fall to the ground down in the streets.

 

“Gavin,” Connor mumbles, “it’s late you should be sleeping.”

 

He lets the smoke puff out of his lips, he looks to his right, watching the cars past by.

 

“I know.”

 

Ten, long seconds past.

 

“I’m sorry that I—“

 

“Con it’s fine.” 

 

They aren’t even looking at each other, but their conversation speaks so much  _ volume _ . The awkwardness it holds and the silence that’s sits in between. He wonders what Connor looks like right now, maybe his face is filled with worried, biting his lip. He wants to see him, look at him in the eye but it feels like he has to cross the Red Sea to just  _ look _ at him in the eyes.

 

He  _ almost  _ lets his feet carry for just a single step where he’ll look at Connor in the eyes. Only stand there for a beat, let the silence speak louder than actual words.

 

“I’ll go to bed soon,” Gavin mumbles, “just a few more minutes.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay.”

 

He hears the footsteps behind him get fainter. He knows that Connor hesitated walking back to the bed, he’ll probably be waiting for him. But now his thoughts start to creep up, all the  _ things  _ he did to Connor. Give him the side eye, shout at him, punch him, spill coffee in his head, yell at him. It’s all coming back to him all at once. It’s scaring him, but it also reminds him how horrible he was. Just three years ago.

 

He doesn’t think this relationship will last. Everything is too much tied to the past, Gavin’s holding back in the relationship because he’s  _ scared  _ of the future, what it holds, what is carries. They’re only a couple of months in and everything is going into a snail's pace, everything is too  _ awkward  _ and  _ tense _ . This is the first time where Connor stayed over at his house.

 

He sighs, hesitated to stand up and starts walking to the bed. At least the thing he can do to Connor is sleep next to him, go to bed like he was going to do. He gets under the covers, looks around one more time and stares at the dark, blank and empty room. All there is in his bedroom is a bed and a desk, all his clothes are scattered about, sometimes on the bed, sometimes inside the closer or in the chairs in the living room.

 

Then he looks over to the alarm clock, the blue blaring dreaded  _ 1 am  _ blinking back at him. It’s June, he just noticed that at that moment, he sighs, rolls over to Connor and looks at his back. Moles, freckles, perfectly made sincerely by  _ Cyberlife.  _ He connects the it all like a constellations as he traces it inside his head while he slowly drifts off to sleep.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Gavin.”

 

“Con?”

 

“I…”

 

He stops, watching him close his mouth. Gavin waits for him to speak again, as he sits in the bed while Connor is already up and about, putting in his clothes again while looking at himself in the mirror. It’s nearing the afternoon, Gavin doesn’t have work, he can spend all his time on his bed, staring at the ceiling wondering what he could have done better during that  _ night.  _ It’s still dark in the room, through the morning light is making the curtains light up. 

 

“If you want to stop all of  _ this _ then—“

 

“No it’s…”

 

“What is it Con?” Gavin reaches out, tries to, biting his lip as he inches himself closer to Connor even though he’s just right by his side. His mind is still stuck on the words he said three seconds ago. 

 

Connor looked in the mirror, sighing, “I-I want to show you something,” he turns around, giving him a smile that Gavin  _ knows  _ that’s forced because Connor is unsure or uncomfortable.

 

“What is it?” 

 

“It’s a surprise, can I take you there?” 

 

“If you’re going to kill me then—“

 

“Gavin I’m not going to murder you.”

 

A quiet chuckle, sweet and gentle flows between them. Then it stops, the awkwardness between the conversation is back again. 

 

“Gavin do you trust me with my surprise.”

 

“Sure.”

 

Connor turns around, fixing up the wrinkles on his shirt.

 

“Is that it?”

 

“Gavin I thought you would—“

 

“What?” Gavin stands up, tries his best to muster forward and maybe touch Connor’s perfect skin, perfect hair, perfect lips, perfect  _ everything.  _ But he only goes so far as to only be able to be a couple of centimetres away from his skin before playing it off like it was a mistake, taking his hand and ignoring eharnjust happened. 

 

“Just… do whatever surprise you’re about to do.”

 

“But I think that you’ll—“

 

“Hate it?” He looks at Connor in the eyes, just for a second, then he brushes it off by looking back down on the ground.

 

“I won’t hate whatever you do.” Gavin mumbles, looking at the T-shirt as he hastily puts it on. He grabs his jeans and goes to the side, awkwardly standing there as he looks at Connor look all perfect and nice while he’s standing, only jeans and a T-shirt. 

 

“You won’t?” He asks, looking straight at him, his eyes holding  _ so much  _ that he can’t even recognise all of it. It’s holding emotions, happiness, maybe fear or nervousness. He can’t tell, but it’s all a swirl of a beautiful, brown haze of his eyes. 

 

“I won’t,” Gavin says, looking at him in the eyes, getting  _ lost  _ in those eyes. He means it, really does. Anything that’ll make him happy.

 

“Okay.”

 

“Alright.”

 

The warm hues that’s carrying raw emotions is quickly gone, it suddenly strikes him hard and fast, the two words that they awkwardly exchanged now reminded him how much they tiptoe with one another. He keeps shifting his gaze, down on the ground, to the walls. He needs to stop doing this, stop changing where to look and stop falling in  _ those _ warm, brown hues because he  _ knows  _ it’ll end soon, quickly, like what his Father experienced, hesitating just like him until it slowly grew into a problem. He shouted, loud enough so that the lamps broke or that he can hear his Mother yelling and sobbing.

 

“Con.”

 

He doesn’t answer for a beat, he fixes his collar. It’s like he’s not even paying attention to him, just a noise in the background.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I won’t hate your surprise, I promise.” Gavin says, reassuring him one more time that it’ll be fine, it won’t end up like a failure. Reassure him, tell him that it’ll end alright and Connor doesn’t have to end up fussing over tiny details.

 

He nods at him, but his he bites his lips in the corner as he looks at Gavin for only a little bit. No matter how many times he repeats words, says long sentences or reassures him. He’ll  _ still  _ nick pick it, fuss over details, check if it’s perfect or now. He knows Connor, he’s a perfusionist, down to the tiniest details.

 

He feels bad, seeing him get all worked about a  _ surprise  _ for him,  _ Gavin.  _ Someone who doesn’t really deserve a surprise among all these years. He was rough and ragged and during along his life he’s been dragging a path of hell. Tearing himself and everyone apart, shove them away, break him, break them. It reminds him how much he used to suffocate—

 

“Gavin?” It snaps him out of it. He’s here, standing, still here. He’s still with Connor, he’s still here.

 

“Sorry.”

 

“You don’t need to say sorry.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

It sparks the tiniest smile, a tiny tug at the corner of his lip. It makes Gavin smile like a goddamn idiot, feeling everything turn normal, no tiptoeing, no awkwardness, no past. It’s just him, Connor and Gavin, same room, close together but not close enough.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Connor?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“What are you doing.”

 

“Close your eyes.”

 

“Okay.”

 

So he does, closes his eyes. Connor guides him, only going by the hand he’s holding, tightly clutching him. It feels like if he ever lets go, he’ll get lost and fall into his old ways again.

 

He’s ushered into a car and it quickly starts, the silence is filled with the quiet hum of the radio playing some sort of pop song.

 

“Connor.”

 

He doesn’t answer.

 

He sighs, eyes still closed, he’ll keep his promise. Gavin can still see, just a little bit, through his eyelids. His eyelids change from the yellow orange to a complete pitch black. They must be in a tunnel, he bites his lip and sighs.

 

“Connor can you just give me some sort of… clue.”

 

His eyelids change back to the bright colours again. He rest his head against the door. “I just really hate not knowing anything, just a clue Connor, anything.” His voice sounded a little scared, rushed, somehow quiet. He bites his lips and has the instant urge to smoke. This feels stupid, maybe this is stupid. But he’ll play along, just for Connor.

 

“Rainbows.” Connor says with no emotions. It makes him rap his foot even more.

 

“Rainbows.”

 

“That's your clue.”

 

It feels like his brain is going haywire just to get anything out the clue, what? It just leaves him confused even more.

 

“Th-that’s my whole clue.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

He chuckles, he doesn’t know why but Gavin just does. It’s the stupid one, the one that sounds like you’re still a child. 

 

“That doesn’t make any sense!”

 

He rolls down the window, just a bit, letting the rushing wind inside, feeling cool against his skin. It’ll probably mess up his hair too.

 

“It will,”. Connor says, he doesn’t have to look to see Connor looking at the mirror to see him awkwardly sit there with no idea, “were early there Gavin.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Just watch your step.”

 

They’re outside right now, a perfect day. Not to hot or cold, but it’s in the cooler side where he can wear a hoodie and be comfortable. He’s getting dragged by Connor, again with his hand clutching his, as tight as he can that sometimes it feels like his bones might break. By now he’s grown sick and tried of it all but he trust Connor, it’ll be over soon, just do it all for him. 

 

But then he hears noises, faint, becoming louder and louder as he climbs the steps and nearly trips and falls. He’s speeding up more and more and it feels like he’s chasing something, like a kid in a run of tag, through the streets, a turn to the left and a hesitant look to the left and right before finally going right.

 

By now the chanting, cheering, it’s getting louder and louder. It’s slowly feeding into his anxiety, the slowly increasing sound. But the way Connor squeezes his hand makes him feel like he’ll be fine, he’s breathing and walking.

 

But now they stopped, the sound is still loud, the changing and there’s music now, something in the early 2010’s that Gavin will probably spend listening to for hours and hours. He remembers it, the rhythm and speed the way the words reminds him of the poor child he once was.

 

“Okay, you can open your eyes.”

 

It’s bright.

 

It’s too bright, colours exploding as confetti from all sorts of colours fall from the ground. Then there’s flags also, a rainbow one. Waving by the people who’s marching in the street. They’re all smiling, laughing as he sees them kiss and march on and on. There’s also balloons, representing different flags as it’s release into the bright blue sky. Gavin spotted one having white, blue and pink. Everyone has facepaint on, on their cheeks, all over their bodies.

 

But then he spots something, at the middle the goddamn Android Leader is there, waving a flag with purple, blue and pink. He’s smiling, marching on with the others. But there’s an Android girl right next to him, with red hair is doing the same too, holding the same flag, holding the leader’s hand.

 

But then that smooth  _ motherfucker _ picks her up and kisses her, waving the flag like it’s just a normal day, out and about. Everything around him suddenly increases in volume, they’re all chanting and screaming. 

 

It’s all unfolding in front of him, bright and beautiful and colours. Too fast, too much, his hand on Connor’s hand grows tighter. It feels like time slows down, the colours keeps getting more and more saturated. He’s always in used to the darker colours. Wear something that isn’t colourful and bright, never a yellow, stick to the black shirt because he  _ doesn’t _ want to stand out. But now, staring at all of these exploding colours in his eyes he realises.

 

He’s been missing out.

 

On why he hasn’t walked out on the streets, smiles, flags in his hand while shouting ‘ _ This is me!’ _

 

So he cries, he doesn’t know why but there’s tears streaming down his face. He tries to stop it, wipe away the tears but he isn’t fast enough. At the back of Gavin’s mind he’s wondering what his Dad is thinking right now, doing at a place like this, he’ll probably ignore him again, shake his head or scream at him saying  _ ‘why can’t you just be normal!’  _ Or maybe he’ll ramp up the conversation a little bit, cast out the words that breaks him open.

 

But now he’s not thinking of that, his Dad isn’t here. Gavin is however.

 

The laughter, the chanting and the bright colours. It’s all there, exploding right into his face. He turns around, seeing Connor’s face light up and smile at him. He brings up a flag and wraps it around him, he’s too focused on his brown, soft eyes to even notice the colours.

 

“Happy pride, Gavin.” Connor says, with a grin on his face as he wipes away the tears on his face. He’s not good with words, he tries but his words fail and he stutters or he bites his lips so he.

 

Kisses Connor.

 

Deep, holding him tight, scared that he’s going to leave. He feels the tears streaming down his face, filling their kiss with a salty taste with taste disgusting but he can’t bring himself to care at this point.

 

In the sea of crowds it feels like it’s the two of them which feels strange. He holds Connor tighter, as long as he’s here. Gavin with build himself more, pick up the pieces and look at himself in the mirror and finally be okay to be who he should be. 

 

All he needs to do is tiny steps.

 

No more doubting.

 

No more smoking.

 

No more honking about the past.

 

Break the barriers.

 

Talk.

 

Communicate. 

 

And be okay with himself for the first time in his life, even though all the scars would never really leave.

 

He hides his face into the crook of Connor’s shoulder, whispering: “Happy pride, Connor.”

  
  
  



End file.
